Transformative Parenting Blog

Book- The Kissing Hand

Ben and I were at the book store the other day when we read Audrey Penn's book, "The Kissing Hand" for the first time and we both really liked it.

This is the kind of book that helps us bridge what could divide with our children. Children can have a great deal of anxiety around any real or perceived separation. I mention "perceived" sometimes you may be close by and they can still have this experience. It is important that we give our kids something of us to hold on to, and that is what this book is about.

The story is about Chester Racoon and his mother. It is time for Chester to go to school and he doesn't want to go. (I have to admit, the part of me that is ambivalent about sending my son to school doesn't like this aspect of the story 100%) His mother tells him he'll really enjoy school and then shares with him a family secret, the secret of the kissing hand.

Mom takes his hand and puts a kiss right in the palm of his hand. She explains to him how this will help him feel her love the whole day through. Chester finds this reassuring and even gives his mom a kiss on the hand to help her hold on to him.

This is such a valuable concept for all parents. So many of the difficulties our kids experience have to do with not being able to hold on to those they're attached to. If we can give them a necklace of ours to wear or a shirt of our to sleep in (or a pillow of ours), or maybe just a kiss on the hand to save- this can help them hold on.

The Troubling Rise of the "Troubled Teen Industry"

I am getting more and more upset by the growing number of "troubled teen" ranches and boot camps in states like Utah, Idaho, Texas, and Montana.

I work with adolescents and young adults as a mentor and  counselor and it seems more and more of them have been to these programs. Let me make clear, I do not think every single one of these programs is awful, but a lot of them are. More than that, they are dangerous.

These programs, a huge industry that is getting bigger by the minute, often believe in using any means necessary to "break down" a child physically and emotionally. They cut the teens off completely from their friends and families. Dozens of deaths have been reported.

There is a woman who has done some remarkable reporting about these programs. Her name is Maia Szalavitz and she has a very informative website called Help At Any Cost (LINK). She also has a book by the same name (AMAZON.COM).

Let me emphasize that I know there are a lot of parents out there who are feeling helpless these days. It seems there are a lot of teens that are out of control and it's hard to know what to do. However, I think parents have to do a lot more homework before putting their kids in one of these places.

Mama, Papa Do You Love Me?

I want to blog from time to time about some of our favorite books, including our favorite childrens books. Books that are attachment friendly and that are not alarming to our kids. This is harder than it should be.

Two of our all-time favorites are Mama Do You Love Me? and Papa Do You Love Me? by Barbara Joosse. These book contain a wonderful message of unconditional love between parent and child. They even bring  up difficult emotions- such as anger- in a way that makes clear to the child that even when you get mad at them that you still love them. This is one of the most important messages we can give our children.

We especially like the settings of these books. Mama is told in the Arctic with a Inuit mom and daughter. Papa is told  in Kenya with a Maasai dad and son. Check these books out if you haven't already.